Not all boardwalks are equal — here’s what separates the best from the boring

There’s always some poll, survey, or ranking telling us what the best boardwalk is in New Jersey. Truth is, any given boardwalk is the best for somebody.

But I have to say, speaking only for myself, not all boardwalks are created equal. In fact, some are just boards that you walk on in place of a street.

What I mean is, in my opinion, a boardwalk has to have certain things that make it a true, honest Jersey boardwalk. Example? Sorry, Belmar. Your beach is amazing. I may have had my best beach time ever in Belmar. But your boardwalk is only a boardwalk in name.

It’s…dull.

What makes a great boardwalk

A boardwalk needs the bells and whistles. It absolutely needs unhealthy boardwalk food and lots of it, and if you have restaurants but not the kind you can order out of a window then nope. Not a boardwalk.

A boardwalk needs rides. The more the better. A whole pier full of them, like at Seaside Heights, will be good.

Also, a boardwalk needs an arcade. And inside that arcade, if there’s no skee-ball, it doesn't count as an arcade.

SEE ALSO: See where the historic Asbury Park Ferris Wheel is being rebuilt

Do what Seaside Heights did

You know what doesn’t hurt?

Mini-golf. Right there on the boardwalk. Space a problem? Your buildings have rooftops, right? Do what Seaside Heights did years ago and put an entire mini-golf built on rooftops with little fences and bridges to cross from building to building.

Yes, I’ve mentioned Seaside more than once. That’s because when I was a kid, my folks brought me there as our “go-to.” So yes, all that is there is what to me is a genuine, real-deal boardwalk.

SEE ALSO: 15 sensational places to visit in Seaside Heights, Seaside Park

Which also means a real boardwalk needs to have not just quaint little boutiques selling clothing. No, it has to have shops hanging obnoxious T-shirts, possibly with obscenities written on them, right at the entrance for all passers-by to see.

And henna tattoos.

Now THAT is the stuff of a true boardwalk. Sorry, Spring Lake.

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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